Sunday, September 18, 2011

I'm an insecure mess.

I've always struggled growing up trying to look and be pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, etc. I always lingered on portraying a certain image growing up because I grew up with people who really were considered to be pretty and everything on both the inside and outside, especially their outter appearance. I also envied those girls who looked good and were comfortable in their own skin, who would get complimented on their good looks. As time passed and as I grew up more I realized that beauty shouldn't always be lingered and perceptive on the outside, but on the inside as well.

 I was always that girl that would just be "cute." No other descriptive words could potentially describe me on the outside. When it came down to describing my personality and who I really am there'd be an endless amount of words. This is where those insecurities came about. I always felt like I had to try and be "pretty" for everyone else, just for once I could be considered something else other than "cute." I mean I appreciated being complimented on my appearance, but sometimes it was hard to believe when someone said "you really are pretty" because I took it as them trying to be nice and say it just to be nice. Both my sisters were blessed to be naturally pretty and would be complimented on it countless amount of times, I was their "cute little sister."

But then I stopped trying, I stopped trying to look "pretty." I realized that if you can't accept yourself, no one ever will. There was no one I needed to impress or look good for. As long as I felt good in my own skin, that's all that mattered to me. I guess what I'm trying to get to is that I looked past all that and finally accepted myself at one point or another. Sure there are still days where I sit there and look at myself and you know wish I could look a little better, but if you can't accept me for me with or without the make-up, the shawl style, the cute outfits and such, then I could care less.