Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Now listening to Hold Onto The Memories by Corey Tynan

It has been quite a while since I wrote anything as you well know. I have a couple posts that I started and then lost interest in, end up in draft. Maybe I'll get interested in them some other day. I have grown tired of all the bitching and complaining that other folks find so interesting, so I will write about what interests me. I have no idea what's wrong with my life recently.

I just officially graduated (to be exact like 5 months ago) from Foundation in TESL. Yay to me. I've created enough memories there, bad and sweet, I will keep them safely in my memories box. It's true when people said "you're sad not because they leave, it's because you know those moments won't happen for the second time". Starting from there, I start to appreciate them, as my peers throughout my journey in TESL. I miss every single person that I'm close with, and also used-to. Other than the learning process itself, it indirectly teaches me about life and friendship. Your life is not always on top of the circle but God plays a game where sometimes you must to be at the bottom, to feel the hardship of being a normal human being. And on this moment, you really need to take care of your friendship, you might need shoulder to cry on, fingers that wipe your tears, a hug to secure your day and words to motivate your life. I used to believe, the words of "I'm here for you" is cheap but I was wrong. There are people, who still stick by your side no matter how worst your life is. I'm glad because I met these people. I'm glad to meet all these people. They might have flaws that I sometimes can't accept it but I have to, because my flaws are accepted by them, too.

Hanna Khalida --
You've been a really great friend. One year maybe sounds too short but we've been through a lot together. I still remember how awkward we were when we had to stay in the same room on our first day. But days passed by, and we're getting close. I am that kind of girl who never tell anyone about my problems, but with you I finally opened up my heart, to share almost everything. When I cried, you were there. When you cried, I might not be there but darling, I'm your half in that room, I know when were the times you're not. I'm sorry for not being able to comfort you. I tried my best to cheer you up. It feels good to remember how close we were during the first semester. But everything has changed the next semester. Somehow, we managed to protect this friendship. Rainbow comes after rain. We fought because of misunderstood but then He still wants us to be in this road together, and thanks to Him we've become so much closer. Never in my life dedicate a Malay song to my friend, but you broke my record. Sahabat by Najwa Latif sounds cliche but I could find our friendship in it. Even till now, I can feel 'you' in that song. It hurts me a lot to accept the fact that we're not going to see each other like we used to. I miss to crack our nights with our silly jokes. I miss to hear your yell. I miss to stay up all night with you. I miss to hold you. On top of everything, I miss to be with you. Thank you for being my girl, my room mate, my partner, my other half, and finally, thank you for standing up beside me since the very first day until the very end. I miss you, and I truly love you.

Wan Nur Bazlaa --
Here is my silly girl. The one I've always been together in any classes, since the first semester until the very last day. Although we're not that close during the first semester, but at least I know I got you in the class. We both feel like we're invisible in our class because we didn't talk much,  we talked bad about our classmates (we're sorry hehe) and always secretly giggling because of jokes that only both of us could understand. In every tasks we got, we would become partners. Things happened. I tried to take bad things that happened as something positive, since all I can say that we've become really close after that. I still clearly remember when Madam Laily completely let out her anger towards us, in front of the class. That day, I hit my bottom point in my life, ever. I completely broke down, mentally and physically. I terribly cried while others were presenting. After a while, you hold me and asked "Dah okay?". I swear, that was my very first time to hear that. I'm touched by the way you just let me cry instead of comforting me. How to forget you, Lala? We both share things a lot. You hold my secrets, and I keep yours. The best thing about you is you are the person who will scold me when I'm being too lazy. You are my mama there. When I refused to do something that I should do, you were there to force me. I have so much things to tell you but I can't put them into words, because they were too complicated, as how complicated the life that we've been through together. Last words, of course I love you, my little gangster.

Fadzliah Brahim & Irqien Qistina --
I did not remember how was our met. But I remember both of you said your first impression towards me was I look like a snob. Lol. Thank you to Sukma, without we realize, we've become close. I miss to just waste our times together in my room and Hanna. I miss to see Qis's face in the morning and you can simply lay down on my bed while hugging your pillow. While Ayang, that one person who always put her 'bedak sejuk' before sleep. Both of you, Hanna and I always went out whenever we had free time. Just, four of us. We took tons of self photos and using Ayang's phone, we uploaded on her Instagram lol haha I'm in tears to remind this back. I love the way you guys could get along with my boyfriend and I didn't feel hurt or jealous or anything. It feels good to see you guys have interactions with him. But time flies, isn't? We had our own roller coaster memories that I wish it would not happen. To Ayang, I still remember how cold I was when I put the last word and said "let's end our friendship." To Qis, I still remember how awkward we were when Ayang and I not in a good condition and even to say hi and smile to you, it was awkward, everything was awkward. I don't know, maybe we're meant to be together. At the very last day, I remember the warmth of our hugs, me, Hanna, and both of you. We badly cried and out of the blue those memories that we used to share together popping out here and there, and that's when I realize both of you are the best part in my life. Thank you for staying till the very last moment, you are missed. I love you.

Herma Shadra, Syahira Sahumi, KD Kinot, Nanie Saberi, Amalina Mahat, Aisyah Chacha, Hallijah Hussin, Auni Salahuddin, Syed Kamal Nawfal, Atikah Ramli, Asnidar Salim, Haida Umiera, Tyra Mazlan,  Miera Azahar, Puteri Amirah, Ain Shuhada, Maisarah Zainal, TESL B and all those who know me, thank you for the beautiful memories. Either laughs or tears, both can be a good memory to remember back. There are so much things I want to say to every single of you but seems like my brain can't put them into words. Thank you would never be enough. Forgive me for my wrongdoings, for hurting you. Being one of teslians in UiTM Padang Lalang, Kuantan, is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've always said that high school is the best, but now I know being with you guys is another awesome thing. Everything we did together, I wish we could make it for the second time, but it is impossible and that hurts. I cried awfully in the last day and I really didn't know I would cry that hard. Never in my life, to cry that bad because never in my life, I lost people I treasure the most. Now, it's gone, Foundation year is gone. Now I finally know how leaving the one place that felt like home feels like. The only thing left is to cherish the memories. Maybe now is too late to tell how much I appreciate you guys but I just want to write something about my TESLians on my blog so that 10 years later I read this again and will remind me of how great my life was. Thank you, and now, I will let  Him to take care of you, because I am no longer there. I love you x