Sunday, August 21, 2011

And in the middle of night.

Sometimes... I'd wake up from a very bad dream. It seems like I have a lot of those lately. It all started when I began to worry. Things aren't like the way they were and little by little, almost everything has changed. Even I'VE changed. But then I look back and I can still see the little pieces of the person I was before I became the person I am now. I think I grew up.

Last night, at around three, I woke up and sat up on my bed and I looked around my room. I have a wall in my room and it use to be a blank wall. Now, it's covered with posters, pictures, and art work. The giant Lailahaillallah signs to cheer me on. The pictures are from when I was younger up until now. Some friends have gone away, some friends have become a mystery, and some are still right by my side. The drawings reminded me of everything I've ever felt. I feel like I can express myself through drawing. It seems like.. as of lately.. I don't like to do much talking about how I feel inside. I just draw because when I draw.. there's no boundary to what I can say, what secrets I can tell. I just draw out everything. Then the things that hurt me will go away and come out again another day.

If you ask me if I'm going to be okay, I'll say yes. But if you ask me when I'll be okay...I'm not sure. I'm still numb.