Friday, May 25, 2012

I'm on my way to I don't know where.

Note to whoever reads my blogs:
Blogging is supposed to make you feel better, to set your deepest feelings out of it's shell, to untangle certain thoughts or ideas and smooth them out; that's just it's point. So to anyone reading, believe me, no offence whatever. Plus, sometimes I may PMS, so it's not entirely my fault. :)


I haven't blogged in uncountable days. That's ridiculous. Because now, I have to write about everything. And has there been so much stuff that happened. So, let's start.

As you know, I finally get myself into university, which is obviously a little bit fun than school but harder I guess. I accepted an offer for UiTM and yes, He loves me and gave me this course I would die for, Asasi Tesl. Thank you, the Almighty. The registration day is on the second day of June, and yes I'm going to start my life without my family from that day. I don't know, I still have this one bad feeling about this. I don't know how to survive without my mum, my sister, and obviously my family. But I believe that, I'm a big girl and big girl don't cry, at least not for this little thing. So yay to me.

Though we are no longer seeing each other everyday, like we used to during our high school, we're still close. Probably closer with anyone else. It takes a lot of quality time, memories and reading to actually know someone inside and out. To know when they're lying, even if their face is so good at hiding it. To know when you're mad or sad even though you're laughing it off. To know when you're in deep thinking even though you're still trying you best to keep your head off things. From family issues, drama from friends, to the feeling of not being able to get what we've been trying to get for such a long time. The feeling of moving out, to the feeling of letting go of people and not dealing with them, and to the feeling of heartbreak. Sounds corny, but definitely true. Our problems are similar, and it what keeps us so close because we always have each other. A bunch of thank you to my best friends. We will continue our journey with difference path and might not remember me at all after you find someone new, but thank you for this one long journey. The sweetest among others.

As of now, all I want right now is to feel good about the relationship I'm in. I don't know how this is gonna work, it will one way or another, but for now I just wanna lay low and chill. No more rushing into things like I did before, no more expecting too much of the person, no more worrying and what not. I have gotten to know him for a while now, and I feel like there is no need for me to be feeling so hungover about what the future is holding. I should already be aware of his habits and all the other little things. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be able to obtain this deep of an obsession of a boy before, hehe it's such a blessing really. Long distance relationship, this kind of relationship, is the reason why we keep having small fights, why I keep crying over this relationship, why I look away whenever I see adorable couples, but I'm hoping for the better. It's hard, I know, it's incredibly painful. I will stay as long as he's here. But if he has his own reason to go, I have no reason to stop him. 6 months of not seeing each other, even though we're just 292 miles away, it's hard. But still, thank you SN for still being here.

I've realized that it's been forever since I've been really thankful for the things I have. All you see are pretty much rants, and complaints on my twitter. My apology, I guess I've been letting myself see all the negative things happening rather than the bright side. I have to say, even though life is a big pain in the you know what... There are a lot of things for me to be thankful for. Family, friends, God, him, so on. Even though we may fight several times in a week, that doesn't stop us from staying close with each other. Alright, and I may have grown distant from a few close/best friends, but the bright side is, at least we don't hate on each other, and at least we still talk. Maybe not so much, but when we get the chance to catch up, we do. People are lovely. Life is lovely sometimes as well. Oh but one more thing; I'm so disappointed in myself. When things seem to go a little well, I'm so thankful. But when everything seems like it's crashing down, I get so distant
from God. I need to fix that.. really. Haha.

Thank you for reading, toodles!