Monday, November 5, 2012

Physically & emotionally drained.

I know I haven't posted in a while. Things have been so crazy. Except for today, I feel like writing.

I'm trying to heal. I really am. I want to feel better. I want to have someone to talk to, and I feel like talking really does do a lot of healing. There is only one problem, I have no one to talk to. I mean sure I am surrounded by  super amazing boyfriend, friends & friends, but I still feel like I have no one to talk to. The family, sometimes the bond would crack. I wish I had a good friend to talk to, but I am just so awkward and shy. I feel like me having friends is completely impossible. I keep thinking one day someone will just walk up to me and just be my friend you know? But sadly this isn't a perfect world therefore I am stuck writing in a blog to perfect strangers hoping that someone out there in the world will understand what I am going though. So if  I did have a best friend that was a girl, what would I tell her exactly you might ask?

I want to tell that..

I have been doing a lot better trying to socialize with people, but I'm starting to learn that maybe sometimes being secluded from the world isn't such a bad thing after all. I'm learning that people are always searching for the bad in each other. They always measure each other up and try to find flaws. I have not heard one person say one nice thing about someone else, and that just irritates me very badly. No wonder suicide rates just keep going up, it's because the entire human race is just a bunch of ass holes. I'm not saying that people have said bad things about me because they haven't. (At least from what I have heard) But I'm just so sick of every one being so rude to each other, and expecting the worst out of each other.

I'm sick of being strong. I am sick of holding it all in. I am sick of being okay just because that is what everyone wants to hear. I have told people I am not okay and they always change the subject. I am so done with putting everyone else before me. I sit and listen to a bunch of people complain all the time about worthless shit and then when I need them to complain about worthless shit they are not there for me. "Hey, I'm here for you." sounds cheap now.

Dear future best friend where ever you may be, 
Please find me soon,
I need someone to talk to.

Sincerely, me.

#nowplaying --